And the answer is simple, my insanity is what motivates me and my disgust makes me insane. As I delve into and post about the complexities that will be involved with launching project X I am hoping that you will get to see a more in depth analysis of what make me tick. My insanity and my disgust, but of course it all revolves around money and success. When people meet me they are blown away with my upbeat attitude and zest for life, but that is all fueled by this weird sort of disgust. I’m disgusted by all things I want to be and all things that I am not.
For instance, when I see someone driving a new Range Rover, I’m disgusted. They have one I don’t. When I’m trying to get to work, because I have to be one of the first people there, and there is a sweet dear old man, cruising in front of me. I’m disgusted. At that moment I don’t want anything more then to be at work with my first cup of coffee, kicking ass and taking names. Instead I’m behind Grandpa who’s cruising to the CVS for a pack of Depends! As cruel and harsh as that sounds, it’s honest, and that’s how I’m thinking at that time. I want nothing more then to take a shoulder holstered bazooka and blow his damn PT cruiser out of my way. I’m that bastard that blows by you during rush hour. That’s me, I am disgusted with myself because that’s me, but it is me. One day I will be that old guy and need adult diapers, but the difference is, I will be rich, a millionaire and my Huggies will be super absorbent Gucci diapers! I have a kind gentle heart but that is often over shadowed in my mind by my will to be the best at everything. That is the insanity. My compassion is overshadowed with my passion; my passion to be better then great.
When I go to the gym in the morning, I’m disgusted by how many people were able to get there before me. I’m disgusted at the fact that there is a guy my height my build, that can out lift me. WTF!!! How can this “muscle head” out lift me? Bastard! That in turns makes me lift harder. Maybe he can out lift me, but he won’t be as intense as I am and I will train harder then him and in a month he will be playing catch up to me. That’s how I think about everything. It even disgusts myself, but that’s what makes me tick and therefore I embrace it. The more Mark Zuckerberg's, Larry Page’s, Sergey Brin’s and Jeremy Schoemaker’s of the world the more disgusted with myself I am on a daily basis.
That’s the crazy man fuel that allows me to sleep 3 hours a night, get up and go to the gym at 4:45 and work 16 hours per day 7 days per week and still have a great attitude. I’m disgusted with myself, with what I don’t have and with those that have done more. People don’t want to embrace their disgust but I embrace it, nourish it, and attack it.
EMBRACE YOUR INNER DISGUST
I suggest looking at yourself in the mirror when you get a chance, look in your own eyes at everything you could be, and everything that you want to be and are not. Take responsibility for that, because you are the person responsible, nothing or no one else. Do you feel that? That’s disgust. Embrace that, don’t ignore it like you have been doing. Promise yourself that each time you look in the mirror you will be less and less disgusted with yourself, Start now. To wait is disgusting.
I just re-read this post and I’m disgusted with myself!
-MJL
