Saturday, January 24, 2009

TIGER WOODS AND MY MOJO

………Here’s how it happended……about 1.5 weeks ago..........

So I’m home on my hiatus from work. I got my official return to work date of Feb. 23rd and I've come to terms with it to some extent.

What does “to terms” mean? It means sitting at home in my bathrobe eating a bowl of ice cream (for breakfast) that is resting on my belly like Tony Soprano. Not the skinny Tony, but the Season 5 gluttonous Tony. Yeah, that one.

Dishes in the sink, dirty laundry everywhere, growing a beard like Grady from "Sanford and Son" and a fro like Lamont.

I get a call from the “other” phone. The Bat phone or as I call it – The Batbery.

The bat phone? Yep. Only a select few have the number:

  • Labron,

  • Puffy,

  • Jay-Z,

  • Gates,

  • Tiger,

  • Kobe,
  • Jobs,

  • Buffet and Rock (That’s what I call Barrack).


So out of the list of greats, who’s on hiatus? Tiger! I bet he’s watching Oprah like me.

I pick up the Blackbizzle,

ME: Tig my nig, what’s up?

TIGER: Are you watching Opera. Can you believe that b_tch is talkin’ about food again?
Talking about she fell off the wagon! Her a$$ looks like she’s draggin the wagon.

ME: I was just watchin’ it homey. She said she ate the WHOLE bag of chips. I was like DAMN! Oprah money, a personal chef and a weight room in your crib. There is no need for her to be at “triple chin” status.

TIGER: You sound like you just woke up? It’s 10:30 AM?
ME: I Know I just been kind of chillin.

TIGER: CHILLIN! Are you serious? You expect to be great and you are using this valuable time to chill? Do you think I’m chillin?

ME: Hell Yeah. With your loot and free time; I would have chicks on top of chicks. I’d be havin’ bus loads of women rockin it out on Privacy.

(Privacy is his yatch, Umm yeah).


TIGER: Well you’re wrong. I’m taking this time seriously. I’m killin the workouts with my trainer. Two-a-days Brotha! Killin them. I’ve been working on my short game and my putting. My short game will make Phil’s short game look like yours when I return to competition.

I’ve been doing all of my rehabilitation exercises to the fullest. I’m working harder now then I was before. My golf course design company is in full affect. Recession or no recession, I’m designing courses. Buick just dropped me so I’m getting more sponsors. A Tiger’s got to stay paid.

Do you know how many people are happy that I’m injured? Do you know how many people are rooting for me not to come back strong?
I wake up everyday with those people inspiring me. They don’t realize the hate will make me great.

Jay, I thought you were smarter then that. You need to make sure you use every last minute of every one of those days off to get your hustles in line. Get your body in shape. You are a “business” man. Be a business. Get your mind right. Think about everything that you wished you had time to do. Then f-ckin’ do it.

ME: That’s whats up Tiger. I’m on my hustle. Good lookin’ out. I need that.
I will holla at you and wifee this summer. When do you plan to make your comeback?

Tiger: I never left.


-MJL







Prosperizer

4 comments:

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Freeallcards said...

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Deuce said...

"still here, never left" - Change the Game, Memphis Bleek

Anonymous said...

Inspiration at it's best...